It's Okay Not to Want to Have Children

It's okay not to want to have children.

It's also okay to not want children, think you want them, and realize you don't.

The decision to have or not have children is a deeply personal choice that often carries the weight of society's assumptions and familial pressures.

"I love my children, but I don't like being a mom." "I felt like having kids was the next thing to do in our relationship, but I've never wanted any". "I felt pressured by my family to have children." "My partner wanted kids, so we tried and got pregnant."

I've heard variations of these quotes so many times recently.

I love children; I just never wanted any of my own. I embraced my freedom and independence. But when Ben came into my life and revealed that he desired children, a dialogue ensued, prompting me to reflect on my apprehensions. I confessed my concerns about my body changing and my cherished autonomy being compromised. Ben, however, reassured me, pledging to be an involved parent and citing the resilience of postpartum bodies.

So a year into our marriage, I warmed up to the idea and took out my IUD. I was 35 years old at the time. After about a year of trying and not getting pregnant, I got a bunch of tests done to ensure I was okay, and so did Ben. There was nothing wrong with either of us. The first years into this process, I felt like my body was broken. Like there was something wrong with me, that was stopping me from getting pregnant. It may sound weird, but I would get jealous of women who would have miscarriages. I just wanted to get pregnant. It wasn't even about having a child anymore. It was about getting pregnant.

I started asking myself: Did I genuinely want children? A candid introspection confirmed my initial feelings – no, I did not.

After being very honest with myself and realizing and deciding I didn't want children about three years ago, a profound connection emerged with others who carried similar stories. A chorus of voices began to rise, recounting the untold struggles of women who were at odds with societal expectations and personal desires.

I want to break the silence around the choice of not wanting children.