Dear Younger Me, You were never "too much".

Dear younger me,

Your spark is a joy to witness; you were never "too much."

 These words have taken years to understand and embrace truly. It's a journey that led me to realize that these feelings of being "too much" were rooted in my childhood, surrounded by adults with unresolved trauma that I unknowingly triggered.

I understand the incredible impact our early experiences can have on our adult self-perception. I carried the weight of believing that my authenticity, my very essence, was too overwhelming for those around me. It's a feeling many of us can relate to – that persistent notion that we need to tone down our enthusiasm, creativity, and emotions to fit into a mold society deems acceptable.

My journey of self-discovery led me back to the roots of this belief – my childhood. I was raised in an environment with physical and verbal abuse. I tried my hardest to be quiet, not to make my parents even more upset than they were, and to be a "good girl."   

Feeling "too much" or "in the way" became my default setting. It seemed the only way to navigate these complex emotional landscapes was to apologize for my presence, for my authenticity. I believed I was a burden to those around me, a constant reminder of the pain and unresolved issues they carried.

But here's what I wish I had known then: It wasn't my responsibility to fix my parent's unresolved trauma. I was a child, and children should never carry the weight of an adult's past. It took years, but I reached a turning point in my life. I realized that my authenticity was not a problem but a gift.

I've learned that embracing our authenticity is the key to healing. It's a journey to self-acceptance and the understanding that our uniqueness is a treasure. No matter how bright, our sparks should never be dimmed to fit someone else's expectations.